The wind woke me up just before the 5:00 a.m. alarm. The late October morning was dark as the day light hours are slowly shrinking as we crawl towards the winter solstice in December. I quickly dressed and took the dog out for her morning walk around the neighborhood. As we headed down the hill, without warning, we were enveloped in a torrential downpour. An ominous sign for a Monday.
Forty minutes later was I parking my car to rush into gym where I teach a weekly yoga class. I was running late. I was damp from the rain which had not stopped. I checked my class roster to see that six people were signed up for class, ten people had cancelled. Only five people made it to class; none of them were my regulars. I started class and made a complete mess of the next 50 minutes. I never got into the flow of the class. I was completely checked out, not present in the moment. Afterwards I found a pained smile when I thought of my yoga teacher when something became messy in teacher training, “no one died or got pregnant.”
From August 2018 thought March of 2020 I taught two yoga classes a week. By the time of COVID isolation I had a roster of regulars and a roomful of students. I did not start teaching again until August of 2021. I have yet to get back into my grove.
I have to confess that after class I was a toxic mix of both feeling sorry for and angry with myself. I was even thinking about quitting. Thank goodness I did not make any rash decisions.
Another often mentioned saying from my yoga teacher was, “and you begin again.” After a year and a half off from teaching I wanted to return exactly where I was in March 2020. That is impossible because I am not in the practice of regularly planning and teaching classes. I had overlooked the step of not only beginning again, but beginning where I was at this moment and not in the past.
Since I started teaching in 2018, I have kept a journal that details every flow that I have taught. Many entries include notes on what did and did not work, if class ran short and I to add on the fly or if it ran long and I had to make cuts in the moment. I had notes on timing, playlists and themes. I saw how I had evolved and grown. I saw that I was a darn good teacher.
Flipping through the pages saw that I had relied on a basic framework that I would vary for each class. This way if I forgot something or had check out moment, I could rely on the framework to keep everything running smoothly.
I am beginning again at the point where I had focused in on my framework with a class I used in January 2019 and again in in September 2019. The theme is trust yourself. I have a reading from Melody Beattie to reinstate the theme at the end of Savasana/final rest.
This morning I did a run through practice of this class and then I did a flow for my personal practice. They were not the same. They don’t need to be the same as I need to honor my body and spirit before I can lead a group of people to do the same.
As my teacher would say, “Yeah, really good work yogi.”
The Yoga Cowgirl 
I truly enjoyed this post. I would’ve loved to have a session with you!
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Ahh, thank you!
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Lovely, Sarah.
Nara x
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Thank you
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I love how you used your yogi’s words to help in the ever-shifting energy of now. Everything is always changing, and to keep relaxing into the change…that seems to be my lesson these days.
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“And you begin again.”
I really needed this today. I get caught up in these cycles of gloom and toxic thought, and just ick. I feel like I’m making progress, and then it goes back to toxic again.
I recently discovered Chris Stapleton’s song Starting Over, which feels like an anthem.
The images of your journals remind me of my soul homework.
I just added Journey to the Heart to my TBR list.
And I begin again…
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I hear you! It sucks to start over. But it gets easier and less frequent. The more I break the cycle, the longer I go between relapses.
Love Chris Stapleton!
Nice think about Melody is it is one short reading a day. I use it often for my yoga themes & readings.
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I love him too. 🙂
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Ahh, you are a really good teacher. You teach in this post about so many things. But I really loved the way you got some perspective and rose to begin again! Beautiful! ❤ ❤ ❤
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Thank you
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It’s the ebb and flow of life… I love how Kathy described “the ever-shifting energy of now.” Glad you remembered you are a darn good teacher!
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Thank you
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Begin again. Those are wise words we can use in various aspects of our lives.
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“What is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?” I love Mary Oliver, and so much of your post resonates. I don’t teach yoga, but I teach, and I also had a two year break. This year I also sometimes come home with that toxic mix, and then I begin again. ❤️
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It is hard to go back because nothing is the same.
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I know, but a wise woman I know said, “And then you begin again.” It’s the new normal. Sending extra good vibes…✨
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Thanks for this, Sarah. I’ve been in a space of focusing on the moment/day, instead of comparing it to some other day, so what you’ve written here is very helpful.
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Thank you. I really appreciate knowing that this landed with you.
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oh i so relate and love your candid share and honesty Sarah and the sign!💖🌷
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Thank you.
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💖🌷
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