One of my favorite songs is by Jason Isbell where in the chorus he asks, “Are you living the life you chose? Are you living the life that chose you?”
In the past every time I heard that song, particularly in concert, I felt certain that I was living the life I chose. In the late summer of 2021, I feel like I might be in mired in a life that chose me by circumstance or default. I say that not because I have been sidetracked from who I am and what brings me joy, but because the pandemic is skewing daily life for me and everyone in my sphere. I have more days where fear and/or anger override joy; where tears come easily and frequently, where limitations seem confining and endless; and where big dreams seem out of reach or just selfish.
My perception of having any control has been shattered. The harsh reality is that I can’t protect the people that matter most to me. I understand that there are and will always be rough times, but right now, more so than anytime in the last year and a half, I feel overwhelmed. Simple pleasures and joy seem trivial.
I am so grateful for my friends, family and community, even if we are talking more through devices and apps than in person. Friends are messengers of hope.
While discussing current practices, a friend shared with me a mantra she is using to help herself find both calmness and action:
Om Asatoma Sad-Gamay (Lead me from the untruth to the Truth) Tamaso Maa Jyotir-Gamaya (Lead me from darkness to light) Mrytror-Maa Amritam Gamaya (Lead me from death to immortality)
After listening to the mantra she asks herself, “What is mine to create?” Then she sits in meditation. She does not set an expectation of grandeur as she believes that each small message she accepts and follows moves her into alignment with Source. She trusts that Spirit is leading her to her next right step. “May thy will be done through me.”
Another dear friend shared with that she prays for the help she needs and then “puts all of my chips on the trust square that I am traveling to the answer to my prayer.” She told a beautiful story about her mother telling her, “Once you ask God for something, you are simply traveling in time to a place where that prayer is answered.”
May I live the life I chose, not the life that chose me by default. May I surrender to and trust God that I am traveling to a place where my prayer is answered. May I listen for what is mine to create and take the next right step.
The Yoga Cowgirl 
Sarah, this is a very hopeful post, one I suspect a lot of people need to read today. Yes, it’s been incredibly hard of late. The news has been awful, the pandemic rages on, and many of us are mired in emotions we’d rather not deal with. Here we were, all set to enjoy “normalcy” again, when the variant reared its ugly head and is trying to beat us back down. I like the mantras you’ve shared, along with the wisdom from your friends. Hope and prayer feel like the best things we can hang onto right now. Hang in there!!
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Thank you, Debbie. I know others are in the same funk as me. None of this is easy. I’m glad you apprentice the mantas.
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I know exactly how you feel about this pandemic. It is impossible to make plans or know what the future will bring. Every morning I wake up and feel very low. I do some stretching, say a prayer, leave my low mood and climb up to begin another day with gratitude for being alive.
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Not being able to protect the people that matter most to me is the hardest part of this pandemic for me. The first post I wrote about the pandemic was titled “sitting ducks.” I still feel like one. Like we all are. Uncertainty is all we have.
Music helps a lot, listening to my indie/alternative station keeps me sane. And these lyrics also come to mind:
“So I wonder this, as life billows smoke inside my head
This little game where nothing is sure
Why would you play by the rules?
Who did? You did. You…”
~ Dave Matthews
♫ (Dodo) ♫
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Thank you. My vaccinated parents had COVID last week. Mom is fine, but it is/was hard on him. I now have new fears and see things we need to address before the next thing. Role reversal is hard on everyone.
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Oh Sarah, I’m so sorry to hear this. I’ve lived through the stressful eldercare part of my life and now see my own children worrying about us as we age. Fear of what happened to your parents is what made us postpone our trip to see our grandchildren this month. At least until we get our third dose. But who knows if that will even be enough to protect from the next variant? My heart goes out to you and your parents. I hope your dad will be okay. 🙏
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Thank you. I’m learning and trying to do my best.
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I have no doubt I’m living the life I chose. My last life wasn’t cutting it any more, so I made a concerted effort to break free. Everybody should do the same.
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Yes!!!!! (Insert gif of Meryl Streep clapping and saying YES)
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