Buck Norms

When I was four-years-old I made two announcements: 1. I was an adult and would be treated as such, and 2. I was not going to have babies so I did not need a daddy. I was going to raise puppies.

Everyone thought that was cute, but I was not kidding. As I aged, I was told that I would change my mind. I would cringe when someone would tell me that I would meet a man and change my mind. I have met many men, some of them I truly loved, but I did not marry and I raised only puppies. I bucked the norms of my culture. I bucked the belief that women were meant to be mothers and caregivers. I love mothers. I am grateful for my mother, but deep in my soul I knew that I did not want to have or raise children and that I did not want to marry.

What I am saying is, deep down we all know our truth. In yoga and Martha Beck books this is called your North Star, your True North. The deep truth that resonates through your entire being. True North is the essence of you, your purpose and your nature. True North is who you are meant to be and what you are meant to bring to this world.

Over the years I have found my 4-year-old self knew her truth. The thing she wanted most of all was to live on a hill with her puppies and horses. I have this on weekends and one day I will have it daily. There will be a sadness that comes with achieving that dream because it will come due to the decline of my parents. Maybe I never nurtured my own children, but I will nurture and care for my parents, aging dogs and aging horses. This is my True North, my purpose. Crying while writing this sentence, yet feeling a calm knowing in my body is a sign that I am on course.

When anyone tells me a dream, I consciously hold it as sacred. It is not my job to critique, mock, shame or pooh-pooh another’s dream. It is an honor when someone trusts me enough to share her dream. It is not my job to enforce cultural standards, limit potential or crush a purpose for service or the benefit of all.

16 thoughts on “Buck Norms

  1. Happy Panda says:

    Thank you for this. I’ve been sure through my adult life that I don’t want to have biological children. But every time it comes up in a conversation people never fail to tell me that I’m young and don’t know what I want or that I’ll regret it when I’m older or that Im wasting such a precious gift. 🤷‍♀️
    The world would truly be a nicer place if we all just rooted for each other instead of critiquing each other. Having said that, leave room for change. We all grow constantly through our experiences – so if someone changes their mind about something later – they’re allowed to.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. leelah saachi says:

    Always refreshing to read your post, coming from your heart. And I wonder if we all know this as four year olds – deep down there – I know I knew I would write stories and pain pictures and dance, and I have done it for a living most of my life

    Liked by 2 people

    • Sarah Davis says:

      I have read that we know very early, but forget as we learn rules and sub one to parent/peer pressure.

      Thank you for your kind words. Keep writing, painting and dancing!!!

      Like

  3. MariaTeresa says:

    Amen to this, thank you for knowing and sharing your truth Sarah❤ The idea of folloeing one’s True North has always resonated with me, I’ve added it to poems. When we dream we are applying our life force energy into our reality. Believing in magic. There is so much power in that. Imagine if we all knew this and supported one another for it. What an amazing world we can all share 🥰🥰🥰

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Eilene Lyon says:

    I love how you were true to your 4-year-old self’s true heart’s desires. I kept to my desire not to have children. Marriage has been a blessing and a serious challenge. Only once! I say. I wonder if I could ever resurrect what I thought about myself at 4. I was certainly an independent child – drove my mother nuts.

    Liked by 2 people

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