“Don’t wear those boots. They are pretty, save them. You might need them someday.” Me
This thought stopped me in my tracks, “What dumb kind of logic is that?” No, really, what kind of ridiculous logic is that? What is in the dark cervices where my ego lurks to send forth such backwards logic?
Yesterday morning was cold and dark with a scattering of snow on the grass illuminated by dull, yellow street lights and a setting full moon. Leaving the embrace of a warm bed to walk the dog in cold is jarring. I was rounding the top of a hill on the back edge of my loop around the neighborhood when I remembered the fairly new pair of Sorel boots in my closest. My first though was how warm they are and my second thought was to save them.
I am baffled by my thinking about saving my warm boots just in case something happens in the future rather than using them now on a cold, wet day. I am curious about where such thinking is rooted. Is it from my great grandmother and great aunt who saved everything in case the lean times returned? As a child I would take every opportunity to go to the basement and peer at all the stuff neatly stored for repurposing in case of a “depression.” Is it from my grandfather’s spendthrift philosophy that buying the more expensive canned green beans was a waste of money, even if the “expensive” beans were better in quality and taste? Was it from the time I intentionally ruined a new pair of “nice” Mary Jane’s that I repeatedly said I did not want? My mother cried over those ruined shoes. I remember that the cost of the shoes was a big part of why I was in trouble.
I am at the half way point of a 40 day prosperity practice. It’s kind of like Fight Club in the sense that I’m not supposed to talk about it until it’s over. It is safe to say that the practice has me examining my beliefs and definitions related to prosperity and scarcity. Perhaps worthiness is part of the equation as well.
I vaguely remember Eckhart Tolle writings on the pain body. The pain body is connected to the ego. As one begins to become present, the ego freaks out and jump starts the pain body. The way to tame the unruly, childlike behavior of the ego is to stay present and acknowledge what is. Maybe this thought is my prosperity pain body. I’m going to sit with this and notice what else comes up