“Don’t wear those boots. They are pretty, save them. You might need them someday.” Me
This thought stopped me in my tracks, “What dumb kind of logic is that?” No, really, what kind of ridiculous logic is that? What is in the dark cervices where my ego lurks to send forth such backwards logic?
Yesterday morning was cold and dark with a scattering of snow on the grass illuminated by dull, yellow street lights and a setting full moon. Leaving the embrace of a warm bed to walk the dog in cold is jarring. I was rounding the top of a hill on the back edge of my loop around the neighborhood when I remembered the fairly new pair of Sorel boots in my closest. My first though was how warm they are and my second thought was to save them.
I am baffled by my thinking about saving my warm boots just in case something happens in the future rather than using them now on a cold, wet day. I am curious about where such thinking is rooted. Is it from my great grandmother and great aunt who saved everything in case the lean times returned? As a child I would take every opportunity to go to the basement and peer at all the stuff neatly stored for repurposing in case of a “depression.” Is it from my grandfather’s spendthrift philosophy that buying the more expensive canned green beans was a waste of money, even if the “expensive” beans were better in quality and taste? Was it from the time I intentionally ruined a new pair of “nice” Mary Jane’s that I repeatedly said I did not want? My mother cried over those ruined shoes. I remember that the cost of the shoes was a big part of why I was in trouble.
I am at the half way point of a 40 day prosperity practice. It’s kind of like Fight Club in the sense that I’m not supposed to talk about it until it’s over. It is safe to say that the practice has me examining my beliefs and definitions related to prosperity and scarcity. Perhaps worthiness is part of the equation as well.
I vaguely remember Eckhart Tolle writings on the pain body. The pain body is connected to the ego. As one begins to become present, the ego freaks out and jump starts the pain body. The way to tame the unruly, childlike behavior of the ego is to stay present and acknowledge what is. Maybe this thought is my prosperity pain body. I’m going to sit with this and notice what else comes up
The Yoga Cowgirl 
Those old habits of mind. Trained in and reinforced by our experiences in the world. I face a few of these from time to time…still. Noticing them is the first step toward changing our mind about whatever it is that we are holding back. Great post. Wonderful reminder. 🙏🏻😊
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Oh that pain body, so challenging. And thoughts like these that come from sideways and nowhere, sometimes even running the show beneath our awareness. So baffling indeed. I am glad you are uncovering possible unworthiness loops running beneath consciousness. Even though they bring up pain. xoxo
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Thank you! I appreciate your comments and your spiritual blogging.
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My parents grew up during the Depression and were both dirt poor as children. I remember my mother talking about not having any shoes, so she went to school barefoot until the weather got too cold. She made sure I had a very large wardrobe, but when I got something new, she’d suggest that I “save it for good.” Those traumas do leave an indelible mark.
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Yes, they do.
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Love your thoughts on this!
I also get these thoughts about ‘saving’ stuff for ‘later’. Then I just try to remind myself that things are for using not for keeping them in the closet in a perfect shape. But I really don’t know where it’s even coming from. 🤷🏻♀️
Toma ❄️ https://www.tomaruh.com
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I know! It makes no sense yet it is ingrained in us.
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I’m smiling over the synchronicity of what you’re processing and what I too have been examining lately. The ideas of scarcity and lack and abundance. What’s great is that we CAN examine these thought patterns and decide if they truly align with our spirit. Giving to myself, being gentle and compassionate towards my being is something I have learned to make a priority since my awakening began. It’s a real shift in my thinking and behaviors. As a shaman, I have now learned to shift energy in a much healthier way than I was doing before which caused my body a ton of pain. I no longer need to sacrifice myself. It’s all about slowing everything down. Thank you for reinforcing what my guides are having me sit with right now. Much love to you🙏❤😊
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Yes!!! Love synchronicity! Abundance is so much more that things and wealth.
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You got that right sister😊 It’s welcoming in our truest desires of happiness, joy and peace. Allowing it to exist in our body, freeing ourselves from the pain and suffering. Yes, yes and YES🙏
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Oh, my gracious! My mom was a child during the Depression, and that experience really did a number on her — she saves EVERYTHING! She’s got food that’s going to reach its expiration date before she eats it; she’s got nightgowns, etc. she’ll never wear because she’s “saving” them. Argh! I don’t get it! Enjoy what you have on hand while you can enjoy it. None of us can count on a single extra day of life, and where we’re going, we won’t have need of these things. Yes, yes, yes — you’re worth them … now!
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I really think this is a passed on trait that is in our ancestral DNA. The people who lived through the depression were forever changed.
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It’s amazing how patterns of thought control our behavior in such subconscious ways. It can be difficult to root out the origins and examine them. It’s something I still struggle with daily. Good luck with your exploration!
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So much of your vocabularly is unfamiliar to me — ‘pain body,’ ‘unworthiness loops’, and so on — but when it comes to saving the good stuff for later, I’m right there with you. I grew up in a family where the good china, crystal, and silver came out on high holidays like Christmas, and otherwise stayed neatly tucked away. In the last decade of my mother’s life, I started suggesting we use some of that good stuff, and she finally agreed. Then, she caught me putting some of it in the dishwasher (but not the silver!) She asked if I was aware the gold would wear away. I said that I knew, and wasn’t particularly worried. After all, I have no one to pass it on to, and I’m going to die long before the gold would wear off!
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Good for you.
Pain Body comes from Eckhart Tolle’s writings.
Unworthiness loops are those stories you repeated run in your head about how you are less than perfect and/or unworthy.
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Poverty conciousness runs deep and I witness it going to my mom’s house in abundance. I have been practicing giving my kids things now.. One less thing I have to care for. I like the idea of it being your prosperity pain body!!! ❤️ 👏Cindy
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From comments, conversations and experiences I am seeing that the pain of the depression is passed onto the next generations.
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I know….. so true!!! It’s definitely difficult to part with
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Kinda reminds me of those people who cover their furniture in plastic. What’s the point in buying something you’re never going to be able to fully enjoy?
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😁
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