The past 10 weeks have been a big bag of lemons. I have been dealt challenges that I could not ignore. Being a Type-A, I usually deal with distress/loss/pain by doing more, moving forward. Not this time. I realized that I had two options, feel sorry for myself or FEEL.
I took to my mat. I took to my journal. I took to my bed with movies. I took to the pool with novels. I made a playlist of the angst/heartbreak/longing songs I listened to in my college years. I cried. I remembered my dreams. I made peace with loss. I cried. I cried some more. I leaned on my best friend.
What I’ve learned over the last ten weeks:
1. Grief takes time and I must allow space and time. What is not grieved is stored. Stored grief will find a way out.
2. I do not regret having loved.
3. Walling off a part of yourself does not make that aspect/need/desire go away.
4. I can love exactly as I am now. I can be loved exactly as I am now. I am enough. I am worthy.
I don’t have any answers for you. Just feel and allow. Cry. Journal. Confide in ones that love you.
Peace to you and yours.