I’ve been thinking and journaling about what it means to stand by my work, my desires, my dreams and my yoga practice and teaching. Even when it is scary.
Standing by it means not diminishing my work/desires/dreams/yoga. Tricking myself into thinking that I am not making progress towards my dreams is diminishing. Letting my ego trick me into thinking I am alone or that no one cares is only smoke and mirrors to keep me safe. I do not need protection from my life. I need to stay open to myself and stand for what I create.
Creating stories that label my work as less than, not perfect or full of errors is not only diminishing but is also painful. Labels like bad, silly, unimportant, stupid, not good enough, unoriginal, not valuable or not likeable are lies. Mistakes will be made in a well lived life. Mistakes are opportunities to learn. Making myself small or quitting is not standing by it.
Sometimes standing by it is scary. This week I have often thought of Dr. Christine Blasey Ford who stood up for herself against a man who harmed her. Her bravery and calm as she talked about a terrifying experience on national television moved me. She stood for herself and for other women who have had similar experiences. She stood because it was more important to share her assault than to hide from the labels she has lived with since the assault. She is withstanding intense anger and nastiness for telling her truth. She is standing by it.
What do you need to stand by?
For me, I stand by my career and the work I do for my day job. I stand by realizing I want change and looking how I can bring the change to my role. I have reinvented parts of my job before and it is time to do it again.
I stand by my yoga practice and teaching my two classes a week. Sometimes I feel less than enough or less than perfect in my teaching. I will no longer diminish my hard work with labels. I will not diminish my work by comparing myself to a 500-hour teacher. I will walk into that room and teach like I am a boss. I will continue to learn from each class to continue growing. Honest evaluation is how I will grow; self-labeling is limiting. I stand by continuing to learn and be inspired by my teachers.
I stand by my beliefs by calling and/or emailing my representatives, working for candidates, talking to my neighbors and voting.
I stand by myself through eating fresh, mostly vegetarian food, meditation, turning all screens off by 8 p.m., walking my dogs, meditating, sleeping seven to eight hours, reading real books and journaling.